Notice the Choice Points
“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different…”
C.S. Lewis (Prince Caspian, 1951)
What is a Choice Point?
If you were able to look back on your life in slow motion, could you begin to pinpoint the exact moments when you made choices that changed the entire trajectory of your life? These can be the big life decisions like where to move or who your life partner is or whether or not to change your career. Choice points can also be the small daily interactions you have with your day that impact your perspective.
The decisions that you make have the power to change who you are as a person, what you care about, and what you want. We all have moments in our life that have felt like a fork in the road and created a ripple effect to impact who we are today.
Being able to reflect on these important life moments can give valuable insight into how you feel about these “choice points”. Take an inventory of your choice points and awaken to the impact your personal decisions have on your life.
Healing from Past Decisions
After reflecting, you may have realized that some of the struggles you are going through have come from turning the wrong way at a choice point. This can be a painful experience to take in: the idea that a choice (or choices) you have made, have been hurtful to yourself and maybe those around you. Undergoing an experience like this can cause suffering and could lead to feelings of regret, shame, or not knowing what to do next.
Here are are some steps to take if you find yourself in this situation:
Acknowledge Your Role
Take an inventory of what your responsibility was in the outcome. This helps understand where your personal power is to make different choices. While reflecting back, see if you can pinpoint how you came to making the decision. Did you already know it wasn’t wise? Did you listen to poor advice? Was this a time of high stress? This can help avoid making a similar mistake in the future and move forward.
Check-in with Your Self-Concept
After making a mistake you might be dealing with self-deprecating thoughts like “I can never do anything right”. These automatic thoughts can lead to low self-worth or even self-hatred which can develop problems in relationships and difficulties trusting yourself. Challenging these thoughts and replacing them with self-compassion can be a more productive way to make better choices in the future.
Forgive Yourself
We aren’t perfect and we all make mistakes, it’s part of the human experience! When you regret choices you’ve made it shows that you care about your life and others. When this regret takes over your life though, it is not useful to you. Your worth is not determined by your actions and you deserve to be loved and continue to participate in your life.
Learn From Your Experience
Making big life choices provides you with the knowledge that can only come from going through that experience. Here you are at a wonderful learning opportunity to connect to who you are and who you want to be. Give yourself the freedom to acknowledge the mistake and lean towards recovery in making choices that fit your goals and values in the future.
How to be More Aware of Choice Points
Mindfulness is a powerful skill to become more aware of yourself and the present moment - Clueing you into when a choice point is making an appearance in your life. You do not need to wait for the opportune time to connect into your life choices. Practicing mindfulness daily is the best way to create intentional living.
Below are ways you can tune in to your decision making now:
Become Aware of Your Body
Your bodily sensations are often providing access to your inner wisdom. When you think about upcoming decisions do you feel butterflies, relief, or like there is a weight in your chest? Paying attention to these feelings on a daily basis can help connect the mind and body and help build insight for when the bigger moments are happening and how to approach them.
View Life as a Series of Discoveries
Even if you are making a good decision, it is impossible to know what the outcome will be and how it may change your life. A mindful perspective can look like viewing choices as a way to explore who you will become. This builds curiosity and appreciation for the journey. This could sound like “I want to discover how I would change if I took this job opportunity”. Changing your perspective can help take the pressure off of doubting and second-guessing and give you the space to interact with your own life.
Take Your Time
Outside of emergency situations, there is often time to allow yourself to marinate on your next steps and how they work within your life. Feeling rushed or stressed can make it challenging to tap into problem-solving skills and could lead to a hasty choice you didn’t even want to make. When giving yourself time, it can be helpful to breathe, journal, talk with trusted loved ones, and take care of yourself. This provides the opportunity to reflect on your own needs and desires.
Align with Your Values
The ability to make good choices for yourself is rooted in your understanding of what is important to you. If you are unsure of where your values lie, that can make decisions that much more confusing and difficult. When a potential option makes you feel like you are compromising your authentic self, then it might be time to reconsider. Regularly checking in on what your personal values are and how you are living them out can help choice points feel more natural.
It is essential to remember that there is more than one path that leads to a soulful and intentional life. Making decisions and healing from the past is not easy and can at times be a painful road. If you have any questions on how counseling can play a part in your journey, please reach out today!
